Waiting Forever...!!

Friends are like angels; they come into your life and change the course of your life. They give you innumerous reason to smile and in return they never ask you for something. If god asks me to make a wish then I would ask him to take me back to that time, to that night when I had fight with one of my closest friend and definitely I would change everything. The night when I don’t know what happened and how it happened, all I know is that night changed the shape of my life. Perhaps it happened because of my stupidity but my intention was to save someone’s relation coz that very person was really close to me. I know this must be confusing you all so let me get this straight to you rather than beating around the bush.

After completing my 12^th grade (that I did from Hyderabad) I was back to my native place (that’s Bihar) and decided to drop one year as I couldn’t crack the engineering entrance exams and I had no other option left. Back in Hyderabad my friends got admission to some engineering colleges and they were busy with their new life. We gave a name to our group, we were proud to be a part of HAWX gang. There were 8 of us, names I don’t want to disclose here. Two years that I spent in Hyderabad were the golden period of my life, the friends that I made there, the fun that we all had are still fresh and vivid in my head as if it all happened a day before. But somewhere I messed things up, I lied to them about my marks, about my rank and I denied giving them a proper explanation when they found out that something was fishy, they still owe me big time. It’s been two years now and today something happened that reminded me about my mistake and I think this would be the best way to apologize (that I have already done n^th times) and I think it’s high time now.

Let me get back to the point and apologies for beating around the bush yet again. So what I was telling, it’s been exactly two years and 12 days from that night when things changed dramatically. I never expected that my emotional outburst would change the course of my life so dramatically. I thought that this was a nightmare and tomorrow when I will wake up things will be alright but this happens only in reel life but not in real life. One of my closest friend whom we use call Weirdo decided to break his eight months old relationship with his girlfriend, who is my sister and he didn’t even tell me about it. Perhaps he thought it was his personal matter and it should be kept between him and his girlfriend. I got to know about this from my sister and that thing really hurted me somewhere that my best friend didn’t tell me about all this. We use to bunk our class to clear his confusion and help him realizing the fact that he was really in love with this girl. I use to lie to my grandparents and use to return home really late at night coz I had to spend some time with my best friend. Everything that I did for him was unconditional, I did it coz I was willing to help my friend even if sometime I had to go beyond my own limits. But when I confronted all this to him that night he said something to me that really pierced my heart.

 He said, “u stay outta dis, it’s my personal matter.” But its human’s nature when we are asked not to do anything we do exactly opposite to what we are asked to and I went on asking him the reason why he was doing this. In simple words he msgd me, “this relation has got no future, no point on breaking our head for this. Better I move on and let her move on too.”  Maybe he was right if we look from his point of view, he was not sure where this relation would go and so he decided to end it. But I thought it was too late to take this kind of decision later I realized that it’s never too late. And I started doing things that I shouldn’t have done, maybe that night if I would have stayed out of his personal matter which was actually none of my business then today things would have been quite different, it’s his life after all. He’s the one who governs it and if I were in his place then I think even I would have asked not to interfere in my personal matter. I don’t know what exactly was going through my head that night. I thought I can stop him from taking this big decision of his life and I messed things up. I hurted him, I told him things that he never expected and as expectations always lead to disappointment, he was really disappointed. And that was it, end of our friendship from his side and since you can’t clap only with one hand that was the end. When the rest of the people of our group got to know about this eventually, they too stopped talking with me…

I was broke, alone and frustrated with my failure on one side and broken relationships on the other, it was taking a toll on me. I realized what a blunder I had done that night and since that day till today I had apologized like n^th times. I don’t know why it happened and how it happened, it was a bad day for me and if I could have controlled my emotions then today things would be totally different.

Today they all are busy in their own life but my life is still searching for them. Every morning when I wake up, I always think of some way through which I can convey them that how much do I love them and how much do I miss them. I know they will never forgive me and they will never talk to me coz I had committed lots of mistakes. If I can go back to the time and change something then I would definitely change this. Through this I just want to convey them one thing that I am really sorry about everything and I will be waiting for that day to come when I will be with you guys again like our old times. That would be the best moment of my life and I would live it again and again and again…  

Friends Forever!!!

I recently visited my brother’s college as his final year got over he asked me to come over. Moreover I wanted to experience the thrill of final year getting over.

I reached there on 10th June early in the morning making my way through the narrow lanes of Gunupur (somewhere in Orissa), the place where my brother stays or should I say he used to stay. Life moves really fast, faster than you can imagine. It feels like it’s just the start of the college when you realize that it’s already over. It’s amusing isn’t it?

So where was I? Ya I just reached his college and what I saw was really amazing. I was dumbstruck there when I heard someone calling me from the other side of the road. It was my brother standing at the gate of his college, Gandhi Institute of Engineering & Technology.

The whole college was surrounded by beautiful natural sceneries. There were trees & hills all over the place. It was a perfect holiday site. What a beauty? I reflected. I crossed the road finally, greeted my brother and made my way inside his college when it struck me. What this college was doing in the middle of nowhere? I mean this place is perfect for vacation, how anyone can spend his four years of life here? No market, no hangout place all you can see with your naked eye is just hills all over the place. It must have been tough.

Here let’s fast forward our tape a little, 12th June was the date that I remember. I was waiting at the Gunupur new bus stand. Everyone was leaving so I came along with my brother to bid them a final goodbye. I looked around, everyone’s eye were moist. They all were happy that yes they’ve finally made it. They were engineers now. This was the time they’ve always waited for. There was no looking back now. No more backs, no more semester exams nothing. Their eyes said it all but they looked sad. Although they promised each other that they will meet each other, they will be in touch forever and ever but deep within their heart they all knew that this was not possible. Life after college is a mess. You don’t get enough for yourself, how you will manage to get some time for friends?

Being an engineering student myself I understood what they all were going through. All the fights that they had, those close cricket matches, those birthday parties, the boozing sessions, the night outs, group discussions everything they will miss out. Now there won’t be anyone by their side to guide them, no one to correct them when they went wrong, and no one who will lend their shoulder for you to cry on. This is what we call life. As the clock ticked nine, the driver started the ignition, the conductor signaled that it was their time to say final goodbye to each other. Everyone started hugging each other and started crying like a little baby. They kept saying “I will miss you buddy”. Photos were clicked, diaries were filled and all those moments spent together were recorded in their head that will be there with them till their last breath.

This is life, it moves faster than you can imagine. And life after college is a mess. You have more responsibilities towards your own life, your family expects even more now. You don’t have a second chance here; if you failed in something then you come crashing down in just one shot. And there is only one thing that keeps circulating in your head – how to make more money? You lose contact with your friends. You hardly go out with anyone. You get married; soon you are the father of two kids. You become busier than ever and slowly slowly you get lost in your own world so much that you forget that there is a life out there waiting for you. But you are way too busy to notice this and you turn into a grumpy old man who keeps shouting on people out of his own frustration and finally the ring bells and you are on your own death bed.

So here is something that I would like to say before concluding this, life is for once. Live the moments whether they are good or bad, make friends, hang out, keep partying but always stay focused to what you want to achieve in your life. It shouldn’t be like if you are doing something then you are totally engrossed in that work so much that you forget that you have your own life. Enjoy all the moments and be happy even when you are in a complete mess. The one who succeeds in doing all this is the one who lives his life to the fullest.

Best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!